I didn’t marry until I was 32, so I had plenty of time to consider what kind of guy would make a great husband. Tall, dark, and handsome weren’t even on the list. My top 5? Trustworthy, joyful, confident, flexible, generous. And, above all, a man after God’s own heart.
When I met my dear Bill, who has all those fine qualities and more, I found out what he was looking for in a wife. Uh-oh. At the top of his list? A woman he could trust completely.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value. Proverbs 31:11
Her husband…
Before my unmarried sisters are tempted to pass on this proverb, here’s something to think about. If you focus on becoming the kind of person you’d like to marry—thoughtful, loving, sincere, faithful—you’re more likely to attract a man who admires the same qualities.
And if that guy never comes along? Then you will be an amazing, godly woman who pleases the One who loves you best. “For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name” (Isaiah 54:5).
Whatever your future may hold, beloved, you’ll live happily ever after if you’re wrapped in His loving embrace.
…has full confidence in her…
Full confidence. As in 100%. The kind of woman that a man “relies on and believes in” (AMP). All the time. In every situation.
When her husband “entrusts his heart to her” (CEB), he does so willingly, knowing she has offered her heart in return, and he is “safe with her” (VOICE).
Still, it may take a few turns of the calendar before a husband trusts his wife “without reserve” (MSG). After all, you can fall in love, but you can’t fall in trust. Trust is based on time, experience, and year-in, year-out faithfulness. Even those of us who’ve been married for decades might be surprised to learn what really makes our men feel confident.
When I taught a Bible study on Proverbs 31, I gave everyone a simple homework assignment: “Ask your husband, ‘What speaks love to you?’”
One husband said he treasured the look in his wife’s eyes when he entered the room. Another said the way his wife addressed him in conversation revealed her true feelings for him. And a third husband confessed that the sacrifices his wife willingly made on their behalf were the deepest expression of her love for him.
It isn’t our words so much as our actions that say, I love you. God’s Word confirms that too: “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18).
Maybe that’s why last Wednesday morning, the Lord put my husband’s trust in me to the test.
Don’t talk, Liz. Act.
I was behind the wheel as we breezed along a narrow country road, when a car coming from the opposite direction swerved into our lane, headed straight for us.
The road had no shoulder, no passing lane, and no obvious way I could escape a head-on collision.
With only a split second to act, I whispered, “Help, Lord!”, then dove into the grassy embankment, steering around a telephone poll, a large electrical transformer, an enormous tree, and one very long fence.
When I braked to a stop without hitting any of the above, I was amazingly calm. No tears, no trembling hands. Clearly, I wasn’t the One who’d spared us.
Another car pulled up behind us, also forced off the road. “Are you okay?” the anxious driver wanted to know.
“Fine,” we both assured her, blinking at each other in astonishment. We were fine. So was our car. So was our marriage. Bill’s trust in me was not misplaced.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.
…and lacks nothing of value.
Nothing is more valuable than the lives of those we love. Here, though, the Hebrew word shalal means “spoil, plunder, booty.” So, a husband with a trustworthy wife has “no need for robbery” (WYC) or “dishonest spoil” (AMP).
He doesn’t have to spend four nights at a casino trying to cover the VISA bill. He “will never be poor” (ERV) because of his wife’s careless spending. Instead, “he has “all the important things he needs” (NIRV).
For all of us, married or not, this verse provides some exceptional qualities worth praying toward:
- Serve as “a great asset” (CJB) wherever God leads us.
- Never give friends a “reason to regret” (MSG) knowing us.
- Make sure the people we love have “every good thing” (VOICE).
- Look for ways to “greatly enrich” (NLT) the lives of others.
Lord Jesus, we can only hope to be trustworthy women if we put our trust in You. If we say with all our hearts, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust” (Psalm 91:2).
Now it’s your turn
- How would you define “trustworthy”?
Kindly post your comment below. It means so much when you do. Your free Printable of Proverbs 31-11 is ready to download, and all our weekly Proverbs to date are on Pinterest.
Can’t believe we’re closing in on August?! We’ll reach your #1 Favorite Proverb on the last day of 2014. Thanks for studying them with me. (And if anyone happened to pray for me on Wednesday morning, bless you!).
Your sister, Liz
@LizCurtisHiggs #50Proverbs
P.S. On Proverbs 31.com, you’ll find my humorous take on this verse with a story from the year Bill and I got engaged. And, in case you’re curious, I took these photos on romantic Mackinac Island.
Being trustworthy means so much to me and my husband. It means that what we say to each other is true, that when we say we will do something that we know it will be followed through. That if we are away from each other that neither of us has to worry that the other is unfaithful. If we disagree about something that we can agree to disagree without insulting or hurting one another. We don’t own credit cards or buy things on credit, and are honest with each other about spending. After being married for nearly 40 years we must be doing something right! Not perfect and not always easy, but so worth it!
You are definitely doing something RIGHT, Lisa. And you’ve defined trustworthiness perfectly. Thanks for being a role model for us all!
Having been both betrayed and the betrayer, the more I see of men the more I love my cats.
Seems I’ve heard that before, dear Christina. In Daisy Hay’s book from a decade past, “The More I See Of Men, the More I Love My Cat,” and numerous tee shirts with the same saying. Amusing, yet I know there’s a lot of sadness behind it too. All any of us can do is look forward and choose more wisely. I was NOT a trustworthy woman in my Bad Girl days. I pray I am now. I feel certain you do as well.
Thank goodness the Lord was looking out for you and Bill that day.
For me trustworthy means I can fully trust…
Thanks, Penny. I was fully trusting in God that afternoon for sure!
Thank God you and Bill were safe. Being trustworthy means faithfulness. And being there for each other .
So right, Irena. Just being there, especially through the hard times, is trustworthiness in action.
SO thankful that you and Bill emerged unscathed from your narrow escape while driving!! Loved the story on the Proverbs 31 blog – thank you, Liz, for everything!! You remain in my prayers!! Hugs!!
You remain in my prayers also, Bonnie. A narrow escape to us is perfect timing to God!
Fabulous writing. As you say – we don’t fall in trust. Me and my late husband, Norm grew in trust. It was a challenge and a privilege for us both. We were married 40 years. ‘I love rubies’. I asked Norm – of all the places in the world you have travelled to – which is your favourite. Without hesitation, he replied. You. You’re my safe harbour. He was my safe place, too. He’s now in the safest place of all, heaven, with the most trustworthy One of all.
How you honor your husband’s memory with these sweet words, Babs! Thanks for sharing.
I was married @ 17 yrs. — we were unequally yoked as my grandfather quoted to me after seperation so many times. We had 2 daughters , we went to church and I taught them about trust. Well God did through me . I was married for 21 years and have not remarried. I had many good role models. My daughters each married Godly men one has been married 21yrs and one 28 yrs. Trust is to me : Love, Joy, attitude, respect. The way you look at each other, talk to each other , address each other — Liz you are fun, clever, have a sense of humor and you always talk with love for your husband – God bless you
THANKS for sharing some of your journey, Susan. Respect is definitely a key part of trusting someone. And you are so right: I DO love my husband. More every day.
I like to think of “trustworthy” as being ‘worthy’ of ‘trust’. Someone you can count on…reliable, dependable. I want to be that kind of person… Thanks for some good insight on this proverb. I love each week!
Blessings on you!
It’s funny. When we’re young and single, “reliable” and “dependable” may not make our Top 10 list of things we’re looking for in a man (because, let’s be honest: they sound a tad dull). But for a marriage to go the distance, those qualities absolutely make the Top 5!
I met my husband at a bar. I lived in my car at the time. He had just been released from jail and was living at his parents. That was September 17, 2008. On October 8, 2008 we were married by a local magistrate. The first year we fought continuously. We were missing one main ingredient: God. I asked my husband to try a nondenominational church with me and weve never looked back. After we brought the Lord into our marriage, all the things we didn’t have like trust, joy, respect, understanding, etc , were now ours. On our fifth anniversary, we renewed our vows in our church. Although the magisterial wedding is legal, I don’t know if its pleasing to God. He gave us everything and we wanted to include Him in our lives in every way. If we don’t trust God, we can’t trust anyone. He will lead us to where He wants us and who He wants us with.
Jaime, what a remarkable testimony! I rejoice in how far you’ve come in just 6 years, and pray God’s continued blessings on your life in Christ and on your marriage. I bet there wasn’t a dry eye in the sanctuary when you renewed your vows last fall! Bless you for trusting us with your beautiful story.
Jaime,
Thank you for sharing a wonderful testimony. God truly loves us wherever we are in our life. I wonder if you had a Godly parent or grandparent praying for you at the time, if so they have been truly blessed.
Thank you so much for including us unmarried girls in this, Liz, it’s sooooo appreciated. I appreciate your words of wisdom about the sort of women we become before marriage … especially because trustworthiness is so important to me in close friends and the sort of man I want to marry. I think that to be trustworthy is to be worthy of trust by living in the light, not having anything to hide, choosing not to walk in darkness but in light.
Elisabeth, I love your point about “not having anything to hide.” That’s exactly the kind of person who is trustworthy: a truth teller. And YES, it’s a great quality to look for in a potential friend, a boss, a pastor, a counselor. When others disappoint, God never does. “Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10
Good Morning, Liz! I so enjoy this study. My husband and I will be married 57 years in August. It hasn’t been perfect because we aren’t perfect. However I never questioned him when we were apart – didn’t need to. We both trust each other, totally! We started our marriage with the Lord as the head of our household and this trust has been passed down to our children and their lives. Praising Him for your safety! You are my hero!
When a marriage reaches 7 years, it’s reason to celebrate. But when it lasts 57 years? Wow. Mutual TRUST is clearly one of the foundations you two stand on. Congrats!
Dear Liz,
Thank you for the wisdom and the BEAUTIFUL pictures. My husband died 10 years ago after 45 years of marriage. My request today if for prayer for 12 people that our church sent on their way this morning on a mission trip to Peru. The youngest is 11 and the oldest is in her 60s. For most of them it is their first ever flight and they are trying to forget their worries and let Jesus handle them, I pray their fishing nets will be full and their love will show without a doubt that they are Christians.
What an opportunity for such a young lady. I will keep you and the group in prayer.
Thank you so much. I really don’t think there was a dry eyein church that morning. I truly consider myself blessed. I have a wonderful husband and son, great friends, and several sisters who, though I may never meet face to face this side of heaven, I pray for and i know you all pray for me. Liz, I pray I can make the Somerset PA event next may. That’s the closest to me.
I just read this today, and it was very well timed! Liz, I love what you said about becoming the kind of person you would like to marry (or be married to.) Instead of focusing on what I want or wish my husband would do, I need to think about being the kind of spouse I’d want to be married to, and act accordingly to my husband. A few weeks ago I started praying that my husband and I would love each other in a way that pleased and honered Him. I had no idea how quickly God would start working. He brought a lot of things to my attention, and revealed the junk in my life that I didn’t even know was there–mainly huge insecurities about myself, and my own lack of fully trusting my husband and fully trusting The Lord, that He would be guarding our marriage. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you learn that YOU are the one who needs to change, not your spouse! And when I confessed all of my worries to my husband, afraid he would become upset or offended, he responded in a most loving way: “you’re my wife…I love you…you can trust me.” And isn’t that just what our Heavenly Father says to us every day. “You’re my daughter…I love you…you can trust me.” He never fails us. Thanks, Liz, for sharing this.
Liz, thank you for sharing your Trustworthy story about your wonderful husband and marriage. You opened your soul and honored Bill wonderfully. I have never been married, but am placing my trust in the Lord with all of my heart and not leaning on my own understanding…Proverbs 3:5. Trustworthy means allowing your loved one to be the person in your life that God called him or her to be. Will we always get it right? …Absolutely not! However, praying with one another, speaking kind words over each other, and showing actions of the Fruits of the Spirti will overcome anything lacking in your marriage. There is nothing too hard for our God.
Love and blessings,
Mary
Good Morning,
Over the course of 15 years my marriage failed due to “distrust”. I didn’t wait for the man that carried the qualities I knew was important and most of all I didn’t pray about him either. I jumped into it. The end result: divorce, 3 beautiful children that are hurting. Due to “distrust” I now look at not trusting someone as “autoimmune disease” where the body attacks itself. Not trusting a person will eat away at the spirit and any relationships encountered.
It’s taken me awhile to learn what trust is and I am happily remarried “Thank You Jesus” with the qualities, kind, gentle, compassionate, slow to speak, loves me unconditionally and most important has a relationship with Jesus.
Whats important too, the person may carry baggage of not trusting into the relationship and the person can pay heavily for what another person has done. Not trusting comes in many forms.
Thank you Liz